


Seek My Comfort

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftercare, Anxiety, Dom Drop, Dom/sub, M/M, Panic Attacks, Scene Gone Wrong, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: In the middle of their adventures, Dean has to break rules and ask Cas how he is feeling. Because that is not how his dom should look.





	Seek My Comfort

It’s not like it was unusual. Cas has been having some anxiety issues, they all had. Dean especially. Except his were more anger, loathing, and tears that felt like they were ripping through his eyeballs after he put his back against his bedroom door, whereas Sam was quiet and didn’t want food, and just went to his room. Not particularly off, but with a skyrocketing heartbeat, that had Cas monitoring his pulse and sitting with him through the episode. If it had happened more than once, they didn’t know about it.

Cas was a bit of both, even though his body could take it harder, it wanted to give him a hard time. He would sweat, but feel cold, and stammer his words together, and his thoughts would race so hard he couldn’t get his words out. Dean has seen it just once, and when he did, he grabbed him before he fell over, stammering and hyperventilating, and asked if he had been poisoned. He said he didn’t know.

It was probably more shame when, after sitting him down and calling Rowena for help, that he retreated into his room with a worried Jack at his side, saying he felt fine, it must have been a fluke. A disruptive frequency on his radio, he said. They called her back and canceled, but said to be in the area. She said she was not a police witness and would do no such thing.

Jack had it rough, after almost dying. So they were all waiting for the other ball to drop on that. Waiting for the horrible day he broke down in tears or fainted, or just became a ghost in his body for a few hours.

That’s why Dean knew the signs. He knew what to look for, between all of their experiences. The problem was he was currently hanging with his feet and knees pulled up behind his back, and his mouth bound, by some intricate rope tying on Cas’ part. And he wasn’t allowed to make any noise. That’s what his Dom had told him.

But as Cas walked to the bathroom to get something that he said would be fun, he saw his hands shake and ball into fists just before, and really, Dean didn’t have much of a nice bathroom to look through. There was a cabinet he had put in there, but it was taking too long.

Dean made his choice when he heard the shallow breaths. He yelled behind the bandana he had tied there. He tried to push it with his tongue, but he couldn’t. And then a shaky, grey and sweaty figure appeared, trying to look serious and playful.

“Told you no. You- what did- what are you saying?” Cas tried, rubbing his forehead as he spoke.

Dean struggled and tried to break free, but damn, Cas had tied him perfectly. He heard a couple of them creak like they may break, but there was no give. There was no weak point where he had give to even break. For a horrible moment he wondered if Cas would try to go through with this, while he was struggling with the anxiety in his head. Dean would be hurting him. He be taking advantage, even while tied up. He couldn’t let that happen. He had to-

Cas must have seen the thoughts racing across Deans face, because he seemed appalled suddenly. He looked ill, before he rubbed a hand down his face and sat down, starting to untie him.

“I didn’t ask- your level. Your blinks. You’re not ok- how could I do this? Why would you let me- you don’t want this.” He stammered. Dean shook his head violently, and made noise, trying to indicate that wasn’t the case at all, when Cas actually lurched. He all but ran the bathroom, unfinished, and Dean could hear him retching, but he couldn’t get to him.

Finally he came back, still grey-pale and sweating, but now he was breathing raggedly. He finally pulled a knot that made everything go a bit slack, and Dean felt his body lower to the floor. Cas’ shaky hands undid his arms, but that was it. Dean tried to work at it but he had no idea what he was doing.

Cas stepped away, and grabbed a knife, and Dean mourned the soft ropes, but they could order more. Cas was more important right now, and the fact that he was even considering cutting him out was scaring Dean.

As he sliced at the ropes, Dean felt a sharp sting, and realized with his shaking hands Cas had cut him. It wasn’t serious, it was barely bleeding, but apparently it was too much, because Cas dropped the knife and backed up, standing and walking to the other side of the room.

“Sorry- I’m sorry-” Cas tried weakly.

Dean had enough and grabbed the knife himself. He cut himself out piece by piece, finally pulling off the damn gag. Immediately he grabbed the two pairs of slacks on the bed, and walked towards him, but he turned away from him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, we shouldn’t have been- and you just let me do that to you. I was-”

“Cas, please. Easy. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want. I promise.” Dean said quickly. Cas sucked in shaky breaths and turned towards him, trying to cover his body.

“Here, put these on.” Dean said quickly, handing him a pair. He slipped his on, and Cas tried to do the same, but he stumbled. Dean caught him quickly and once he had a grip, Cas didn’t let go of him. He yanked the pants up and held on to Deans arm, eyes filling with tears that weren’t falling and lip quivering. He was sweating bullets.

“Cas, listen to me. Listen. I didn’t want to hurt you. That the only reason I started yelling, alright? You did nothing wrong.” Dean said gently. Cas nodded, but didn’t seem convinced.

He took another few gasping breaths, and Dean lead him to the bed as he started to sway. As soon as he touched the bed, he was laying down, and curling into himself, unlike how he usually slept, spread starfish or wrapped around Dean.

Dean gently held his arms out, and Cas turned to curl into them. He immediately rubbed Cas’ back, and started to hum quietly, something to keep the quiet from plaguing the room.

“I- you need to cover that cut, I’m sorry Dean. I don’t know what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter. You matter, and I’m not leaving this bed until your skin is normal color again. You matter, so we can figure out later if there was some reason this happened, and stop it. Until then, I’m here.” Dean said quietly. Cas choked on a tearful noise before sobering and burying his head in Deans bare chest.

“Just breathe. I’m here. It wasn’t your fault. And I was scared I was going to make you do something you wouldn’t want to do, ok? That’s why we stopped, it wasn’t safe. It wasn’t your fault.” Dean said quietly.

Cas started to nod, and Dean finally repeated it enough times that Cas was back to his normal color, although damp and tired, and Dean was back to humming for him. He finally looked up and tried to meet Deans eyes, before looking away.

“I’m not sure what that was. I apologize, I must have-”

“No bullshit. We all have issues. I know it just came out of nowhere, and I know you stopped because you were thinking the exact same thing I was, that we were going to take advantage. It’s ok, Cas. It’s not going to break us.” Dean said sincerely. Cas finally gave a small smile and nodded.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked. Dean almost laughed.

“Of course. I was... scared. I’m not going to lie. I heard you throwing up, and I couldn’t get to you. It looked like you might just keel over.” Dean said.

“I was... not the best at dominating you today. You are my submissive as we agreed, and I’m wrapped in your arms instead.” Cas said solemnly. Dean shook his head.

“Don’t think like that. You’re amazing. I mean, you’re seriously the best sex partner I could have asked for, ever. And the best... partner, in general. You need this too.” Dean said, kissing his forehead. Cas leaned into it and shut his eyes. 

“I think we need some sort of... safety rope. Something I can pull to detach everything. So I can get away if there’s trouble, or you need help.” Dean said. Cas nodded.

“I can make that happen I’m sure.” He nodded. Dean sighed and buried his face into Cas’ hair, smelling the sweat and sickness, but also the underlying scent of rain that he seemed to always carry. It was both worrying and grounding to his senses. Maybe he did need it.

Cas seemed to sense this, and wrapped his arm around Deans waist, putting the other over where his heart was. They stayed still, breathing in the familiar scent and feeling the heat of their bodies mingling, grounding them, until Cas spoke up.

“I should wash off.”

“Can’t you magic yourself clean?” Dean asked.

“Yes. But... I’d rather be under the hot water. And I’d rather not be alone to do that.” Cas admitted. Dean nodded and kissed his forehead.

“I’m ready when you are.” He smiled gently. It wasn’t time for anything crazy. It was just time to heal.

**Author's Note:**

> I never published this because I kind of thought it was bad after finished it, but I need to clear my drafts so, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
